There exist multiple reasons why you may not be able to stay in bed as long as you’d want. Most guys will experience this sensation at some time in their lives. You may be suffering from performance anxiety, stress, premature ejaculation, or erectile dysfunction (if you find it hard to get or maintain keep an erection during sex).
The good news is that behavioral modifications, health advice, and, in some instances, pharmaceutical therapies for premature ejaculation (PE) and erectile dysfunction (ED) may help you stay in bed longer.
Sex does not have to be slow and tantric-inspired, but two minutes is not nearly enough time for the majority of women to get to the good part. It’s left many women and their partners asking how to stay in bed longer.
Average time of sex sessions
Although there is no scientific definition of the “optimal” duration of a sex session, a 2020 research discovered that it took an average of 13.41 mins for heterosexual women to climax. Between Oct. 2017 and September 2018, the research enrolled 645 volunteers from 20 countries, with a median age of 30. Thus, although the gathering of individuals from the United Kingdom, the United States, and India, among other countries, was varied, it remained a relatively small group. Additionally, the research discovered that the majority of participants were unable to achieve orgasm with just penovaginal intercourse, and 17% had never had orgasm at all. While an orgasm should not be the only purpose for having sex—the trip may be just as satisfying—the findings offer insight into how to prolong sex.
We asked the experts how to last longer in bed when you’re craving more connection, more intimacy, and of course, more orgasms.
1.First things first: Don’t get too preoccupied with pulling an all-nighter.
“Women are supposed to want hour-long sex,” says relationship and sexuality educator Logan Levkoff. That’s great if that’s what you want—but if you don’t, that’s okay too, she says. Personally, every time I see a rom-com with a classic post-coital comment like, “Wow didn’t get any sleep last night,” my first thought is: How? Why? What about chafing? Making sex last longer doesn’t need to mean turning it into a marathon. “What someone wants—whether it’s shorter or longer—is very individualized and also very contextual based on the relationship and partnership,” Levkoff says. Having a conversation before going into sex about what each person wants to get out of it—including duration!—is step one, she says. Plus, once you take the pressure off to win gold in the all-night sex Olympics, it may naturally go longer—probably because you’re less preoccupied with goalposts and more focused on enjoying your experience.
2.Get to know your body.
If you intend to enjoy hours of sex, there is no better way to do it than to understand what your body wants and does not desire before you begin. The best way to do that is through mutual masturbation. If you are your partner are deeply involved…it is easier to last long when you resume the actual acts of sex
If your arousal levels begin to rise and a climax approaches, take a deep breath and think about anything else—preferably something very uninteresting. You can begin to count one towards five hundred in your mind. You’ve undoubtedly heard the adage from popular culture, “Think baseball!” Continue until you are less excited about what you are doing!
4. Foreplay can be the main event.
“Women’s sexual response cycles are distinct from those of typical males in that their arousal patterns tend to increase, decrease, and plateau prior to a climax,” explains Sari Cooper, a licensed sex therapist and founder and director of the Center for Love and Sex in New York City. Take advantage of those fluctuations: “Two women can maximize their enjoyment by manipulating their partner’s arousal levels by stimulating their more erogenous areas, which heighten and increase arousal to a 7 or 8 (out of 10) and then concentrating on stimulating their less erogenous areas, which decrease arousal to a 4 or 5.” Consider this kind of foreplay as its own entity, apart from the opening act. This kind of play, Cooper argues, is better suited to running all night.
5.Delay the orgasm.
When a male partner feels as if he is ready to ejaculate, he (or you) may gently squeeze his shaft just below the head for 5 to 10 seconds. Pressure on his urethra and restriction of blood flow will assist in suppressing his orgasm. This is a popular edging technique, with the aim of stopping an orgasm (for men or women) right before the peak. “Edging is your friend,” says Megan Stubbs, Ed.D., clinical sexologist and author of Playing Without a Partner. “It not only enables you to extend your sex session, but also to have more powerful orgasms.” That build-up of being so near to climax and then having it snatched away elevates all orgasms to a new level. And you don’t have to practice edging once; you may do it throughout your sex session.
6.Recognize that the journey is more important than the destination.
While most of us would agree that orgasms are wonderful, excellent sex is more about the trip than the destination. “For individuals who suffer from performance anxiety, you may alleviate some of the pressure on yourself—and your partner—by seeing your sexual experience through the lens of pleasure rather than orgasm,” Stubbs explains. Possessing control over any approaching worry enables you to exert more control over sex sessions, making them simpler to extend.
7.Host a Sexy Q&A Session.
Speaking counts as foreplay as well. Indeed, Levkoff encourages it: “There are so many wonderful discussions that occur when we are ready to get personal.” Consider a seductive Q&A to get both of you in the mood before you even touch. Levkoff suggests beginning with the fundamentals: What aesthetically appeals to you? What is your preferred masturbation fantasy? What was the first film or book that sparked your interest? The back and forth may be “very enjoyable and exciting,” as well as reducing the pace from tearing your clothes off to establishing eye contact and listening—a whole new level of connection.
8.Experiment with different positions.
If and when you do want to pursue penetration, avoid remaining in a single position from beginning to finish. “Changing positions and experimenting with various kinds of stimulation may maintain arousal but not necessarily to the point of climax,” says Laurence A. Levine, a urologist and chief medical officer of Promescent, a company that makes an FDA-approved topical spray that helps men last longer. If you take longer than your male partner to achieve orgasm, this may help him pump the brakes while you enjoy the gradual build.
Not only can you extend a sex session by altering positions, but you can also lengthen the experience by sticking to “low-impact sex positions, such as the missionary position,” according to Stubbs. For instance, doggy style is a high-sensation sex position, which may result in not just premature ejaculation from a partner with a penis, but also a very rapid climax on their end. Eliminating these sex positions from the equation will make a significant impact.
9.Take care of your physique.
Your attitude toward your body has a significant effect on your capacity to enjoy a lengthy session between the sheets. Levine notes that regular exercise improves blood flow in both women and men. “You will both feel better, and you will get more endorphins and stamina to incorporate into your couple time.” Quitting smoking and reducing alcohol use may also aid increase stamina—particularly in males. “A man’s circulatory system must be healthy if he want to have a dependable and powerful erection,” Levine explains. “Smoking serves no use other than to slow both of you down.” A glass or two is OK, but keep in mind that alcohol is a depressive; excessive consumption may impair your sexual appetite.
10.Make sex a priority.
With our busy lifestyles, there are moments when we want sex yet lack the energy to give it our best. How to stay in bed longer without becoming tired? Make a strategy or prioritize your sexcapade. “While planning sex may not seem romantic or spontaneous, if you reframe the process leading up to the event, you can make it enjoyable,” Stubbs adds. Having it on the schedule and knowing in advance that you and your lover are going to enjoy an evening of sexual pleasure may help prevent you from being exhausted too soon. You’re stimulated throughout the day and have something to anticipate. “If you don’t prioritize sex and don’t do it after a hard day of work, you’re setting yourself up for failure,” Stubbs adds. Sexual dysfunction may be prevented if both your body and mind are refreshed and fully engaged.
11.Venture into uncharted territory.
Along with making time for sex, make time for new experiences. “The majority of individuals allot much too little time for a delicious exploratory encounter,” Cooper observes. She suggests stimulating different areas on your partner’s body and experimenting with various pressure levels—both of which take time and effort. Utilizing gadgets to tease while exploring new places may also aid in the extension of sex sessions.
12.Make use of a condom.
Not only are condoms necessary for STI prevention, but they may also assist extend the duration of intercourse. For the majority of men, using a condom reduces penile sensitivity—the thicker the condom, the less he feels and the longer it takes him to climax. Condoms are available in a range of thicknesses, from 0.05 millimeters to 1 millimeter. If you’re searching for a thick condom that can help reduce feeling, choose Lifestyles Extra Strength. (However, you should never double up on condoms.) This creates the ideal conditions for condom slippage and ripping.)
13.Strengthen your pelvic floor through Kegel exercises
You’ve probably heard of kegels or kegel exercises, which include contracting and releasing the pubococcygeal (PC) muscles of the pelvic floor. To get a sense of how these muscles feel when activated, consider shutting off the flow of pee the next time you use the restroom. After cutting it off, let it to flow for a while before cutting it off again and allowing it to flow for a while longer.
To assist with isolating those PC muscles, stand in front of a mirror and raise your testicles without using your hands. Consider “raising your nuts to your belly” or “shortening your penis,” as Sandra Hilton, PT, DPT, a physical therapist at Entropy Physiotherapy and Wellness in Chicago, Illinois, recently explained to Men’s Health.
Once you have developed an understanding of how to contract and extend your PC muscles, tense and count to 10 while holding it, and then release. Practice this, in groups of ten. The beauty of this exercise, which can improve your ejaculatory control and help you stay in bed longer, is that it can be performed almost anyplace.
There is solid evidence that kegels may assist men in prolonging sex. According to Men’s Health UK, “a 2005 research found that 75% of men improved their erectile function after doing kegels.” In another study, Italian researchers discovered that by rehabilitating the pelvic floor muscles, 61% of men were healed of premature ejaculation.” “Studies indicate that Kegel exercises may help men strengthen their erections and prevent premature ejaculation,”
14.Take a deep breath.
Remember when Michael Scott had a whole bowl of fettuccine Alfredo before a race? Avoid doing so. Take water breaks, though, or cuddle/massage/chat/shower breaks throughout sex. Intimacy and sensuality have a wide range of meanings for various individuals. “Maybe that is explicit sexual behaviors, or perhaps not,” Levkoff speculates. For instance, a shower does not have to signal the end of sex; it may be included into the continuing sexual experience, serving as a hot interlude before climax number two.
15.Avoid excessive thrusting.
There are many methods to engage in sexual activity without thrusting like a jackrabbit. You may rub your penis into her clitoral hood with the tip of your penis. You may concentrate on the nerve endings at her vaginal entrance rather than attempting to penetrate as deeply as possible. Your penis may be pressed against her G-spot. Include some thrusting as well, but if you feel as if you’re approaching a point of no return, there are methods to slow things down without jeopardizing your partner’s enjoyment.
16.Make use of anesthetic wipes.
In 2017, a modest research discovered that using wipes with a trace of benzocaine, a mild anesthetic, may help you stay in bed longer. What is the issue? If your spouse has a vagina, the wipes may unintentionally numb her down there, according to urologist David Samadi, M.D. of New York City.
If you’d want to try anesthetic wipes, Roman—the online business that delivers generic erectile dysfunction medicine directly to your door—also provides “Roman Swipes.” The Swipes include a 4% benzocaine solution, which is said to decrease overstimulation without completely removing feeling.
Additionally, Jamin Brahmbhatt, MD, a urologist and sexual health specialist at Orlando Health, recommends numbing medicines such as Promescent, which are available as creams and sprays. “Much like a condom, these items may reduce sexual pleasure,” Brahmbhatt says. “Plus, it may have an effect on the partner’s pleasure. As a precaution, inform your spouse that you are taking it to ensure they do not have a history of allergic response or issue with its use.”