Both couples and singles often ask themselves: What makes a good relationship? This post gives you orientation and serves as a coordinate system to immediately recognize a healthy relationship – and to achieve one.
- The cornerstones of a good relationship are individuality, shared values, communication and physical love.
- It is important to define a common WHY for the love relationship. What vision do you share with your partner? Have your pen ready!
- Partners in healthy relationships have mastered the art of arguing properly and constructively.
- Shared hobbies and activities are important – but happy partners preserve their own individuality at the same time.
PILLARS OF A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP
Are you wondering how you can have a happy relationship or how did you find the right partner? What makes a healthy relationship? Or why, after a long-term relationship, suddenly the feelings are “gone”? Or maybe you are tortured by the question am I capable of relational
From which place in your heart do you look at your partnership? Is it a place of abundance, love, contentment, and altruism? Or does your desire for a healthy and happy relationship arise from a feeling of lack and loneliness? Simply asked: Are you looking for a dream relationship because you cannot be happy with yourself alone?
Maybe you are not in a relationship at all, but single and want to align your inner life to live a fulfilling and nourishing partnership in the future.
In this article we will explore together what characterizes a good relationship, how to build relationships in general, and – last but not least – how to have a happy relationship!
With a lot of practical tips we will guide you through the jungle to questions about the topic “How do you recognize good relationships?”
First of all, we want to look together at the motivation behind your need for a healthy love relationship. That the needs of both partners are in harmony is an elementary prerequisite for a good relationship.
It is important that you deal with your specific wishes and needs for your partnership. For example, have you ever wondered what type of relationship you want?
Self-love
The basic requirement for a happy relationship is that it should be the icing on the cake or the icing on the cake in your life. In a healthy partnership, you don’t expect your partner to make you happy. But you rightly expect that you will be there for one another!
It is important that the relationship partners retain their own individuality: The aim is to create synergies and create a “we” that is nourished equally from the two individual personalities of the relationship partner. You can let the “we” feeling grow by appreciating each other (!).
This appreciation should not only apply to the positive aspects that one fell in love with in the romantic early stages of a relationship full of passion. The rough edges that one discovers in the further course of the getting to know phase in the person opposite are also part of it.
Important values
In order to express the basic requirement of mutual appreciation in a shared value, I choose the word “respect”. “Respect” literally means something like “look back on” or “look back”. And that gives an important indication of what relationships are about – really seeing and perceiving the other.
In this way you are fulfilling an important, basic human need for your counterpart: We want to be seen in our entirety. It has been scientifically proven that respect is a characteristic of healthy relationships and an important foundation for happy togetherness.
This also means that you show understanding and tolerance. Observe your own thoughts in contact with or in a dispute with your partner. Do you judge or judge actions too quickly?
For instance, mindfulness meditation techniques will help you gain a deeper understanding of your own inner reflections, emotions, and dynamics of relationships.
Often the term “loyalty” is used in the context of shared values in relationships. Perhaps it is worth reinterpreting this value again: be loyal not only to your partner, but also to yourself! Make a contract with yourself to be more aware of your needs and wants. Pay attention to how you communicate these.
It may sound trite, but: You only have this one life. And you owe it to yourself to be honest with yourself! You can make this contribution in a self-determined way today, here and now – for a happy relationship.
The common “why”
Why are you two in a love relationship exactly? The most common answer in this case is: “Because we love each other!”
What common “why” do you find for being together? What overlaps are there in your wishes, expectations or needs? Do you both have the desire for a deep connection, for the feeling of being loved and seen, a shared hobby that connects you so much?
No matter what it is: Make your why very clear and write it down. This is how you remember your common vision even in difficult situations and with relationship problems. Despite a conflict, you can feel so connected to each other – because you have defined your common “why”.
Satisfied sexuality
A fulfilled sexuality is an important foundation of a happy relationship. For many couples it is a secret ingredient that strengthens bond, intimacy and love in everyday life. Do you know the situation: You observe a couple in your circle of friends and believe that you know intuitively whether the couple lives a fulfilled sexuality?
These couples often exude an inner satisfaction. In fact, regular and loving sex can have a huge impact on basic satisfaction and positive energy levels.
As if the intimacy between couples grew like an invisible bond of lovers. By the way, intimacy and sexuality are mutually positive, as we know from science. Put simply, this means: couples who treat each other lovingly and who give each other intimacy and closeness have a particularly fulfilling sex life. According to studies, the release of the “love hormone” oxytocin plays an important role here. The body releases oxytocin when touched and warm – which in turn has a positive effect on our stress level.
TIPS AND FEATURES
Opposites attract, it doesn’t work without compromise and humor is the most important thing in a relationship – right? In this part, I’ll cover some basic tips and traits for a good relationship.
Respectful communication
Open communication is one of the most critical facets of any good friendship, not just intimate ones. Have you ever used the term “relationships are work”? The aim of this work is on ensuring free, nonviolent dialogue.
What exactly does nonviolent contact imply? It’s more about using I-messages to express your wishes and needs. One factor that is especially critical is that you guarantee that you remain true to your own inner experience.
For example, rather than responding, “You are frustrating me right now,” you might first think how you are feeling right now. Then you share your own personal experience. Depending on the case, an alternative response would be: “I’m tense and stressed right now.” The expression of your need will follow after you have spoken about your perception. In our context, it could look like this: “I just need some rest to deal with a task under time pressure let’s about it later, then I can give you my full attention!” Toxic ties are most much acknowledged through a lack of respectful contact.
Enter into connection
It – sound trite, but do fun stuff with your partner! We equate beautiful memories with the people we’ve shared them with. Find hobbies that you both enjoy; you might even discover a common hobby. This does not suggest that you participate in any of your hobbies at the same time. All couples should have their own hobbies, which they should do individually or with friends.
It is known that common interests and common activities act like an emotional glue . Spend a wonderful vacation together, conquer a mountain, go for a walk in the forest together, rescue a dog from the shelter, binge-watch a series together on the sofa – whatever it is: it will bring you closer together. In a large-scale survey, 64 percent of married couples surveyed said that common interests and activities were “very important” to the quality of the relationship.
Arguing properly
Dispute and conflict are inevitable in partnerships (even in healthy ones!), But they also offer the greatest potential for growth . This perspective on conflict situations and misunderstandings will help you to change your attitude towards problems and disputes.
Recent studies have been able to impressively show that happy couples argue without damaging the relationship . According to researchers, the key to arguing properly is to take a solution-oriented approach to conflict resolution.
We all know those arguments that make you feel empty and bad. But have you ever had a constructive argument that even had a positive effect in the long term ? If so, you know what transformative and positive power a good argument can unleash.
My tip: Talk to your partner openly about your culture of argument. Agree (in a peaceful phase) to always resolve conflicts in a solution-oriented manner . That may not always work perfectly. Remember that you have a common interest in solving problems and resolving conflicts. It is very important to be able to forgive and to forgive – this is the prerequisite for real reconciliation.
If partners target each other individually during quarrels and a “competition of harming each other” occurs, it is an indication that the communication has been impaired. If this happens on a daily basis and comes from a girlfriend, there is a possibility that people will be in touch with a narcissist or be gas lighted.
Transform jealousy
The first thing to do is to accept your jealousy or the jealousy of your partner. That may sound like a paradox. But the first step in transforming jealousy is to accept it as fact.
Often times, jealousy has something to do with low self-esteem . Then jealous people ask themselves: Am I good enough? Am i lovable Am i worse than others? Am i attractive?
In order to transform jealousy in a positive way, I recommend that you first cultivate a love relationship with yourself. Build a solid foundation of self-love.
Learn to trust
Couples create trust by slowly but surely shedding the role of the perfect partner and showing themselves who they are . Nobody likes to fall in love with a pretended role. Your rough edges in particular make you a lovable person.
So be brave and show yourself as you are with all your heart. By doing this, you are giving your partner a great gift because you are placing your trust in them. You confide in him, so to speak.
Overcome insecurity
A battle between heart and mind: the insecurity in relationships. How can your heart win this fight? Do you feel alone with your insecurity?
It helps here to talk to good friends and to describe and sort your thoughts in detail so that you are no longer trapped in your own carousel of thoughts.
Do not let your partner know that you are struggling with insecurities about the relationship. This information could lead to an even greater uncertainty on the other side – that would not be helpful now.
So it’s not about sharing every little bit of uncertainty with your partner in the future. Instead, take personal responsibility and deal with your insecurities, problems and doubts. They represent a chance for you to widen your own heart and learn more about yourself.
Confront your partner with your insecurity as soon as you are really sure that it is a real problem for the relationship .
Get rid of contaminated sites
There is a popular belief that we shouldn’t start a new relationship until we’ve fully gotten over the old one. In my opinion, this is not a panacea, but a concept that is not generally applicable .
Reason does not react in matters of the heart, as you may have already noticed. Always stay true to your heart and give yourself enough space to get over a breakup.
By the way, the subject of “letting go” is one of my heartfelt themes.
In addition, the aspects of mindfulness practice also apply here: which projections do you bring into your new relationship? In which situations do you assume certain behavioral patterns that may be more likely to apply to your ex-partner? Watch yourself here very closely – and let yourself be wholeheartedly involved with your new partner.
Maintain a relationship with yourself
Every healthy love relationship begins with the relationship with yourself. If you are “in contact” with yourself well, that is, if you can perceive well what needs and feelings you have, you can also communicate these clearly.
If you are conscious of yourself, it would have a good impact on your partnership. You’re less likely to project your own disagreement on your mate.
I therefore invite you to write a diary on a regular basis . Reflect on your feelings and thoughts. Find out what sources of energy are available to you in your life. My tip: Write them down and check them regularly to remind yourself of what strengthens you in everyday life.
DOES THE PERFECT RELATIONSHIP EXIST?
The fantasy of a dream relationship , a romantic love story or an eternal partnership for life keeps us from getting involved in the here and now.
The ideas of a perfect relationship are often associated with expectations of ourselves and of the other person . Sooner or later these expectations will be disappointed.
Nobody can always be in a euphoria or ecstatic passion. That just doesn’t correspond to the everyday life that you actually want to live with your relationship partner, does it?
How do you know love?
In Buddhism love is defined as follows: Love is the wish that the other may be happy. Isn’t that a desirable and altruistic form of love? Is a healthy relationship possible when love means to you that?
- You “own” one of your life partners?
- That you can control them?
- For example, if the measure of love for you is the time the other person spends with you?
Probably not.
True love seems more to be characterized by giving your partner the freedom he or she needs in order to realize himself. As a companion on the path of personal development, you are a loving support and you enjoy receiving and giving love.
How long does a healthy partnership last?
The “eternal relationship” is more of a construct, which doesn’t mean they don’t exist. I don’t recommend going into a relationship with the mindset that it has to last forever. Rather focus on the present and how you shape your partnership in the here and now, instead of clinging to ideals.
Don’t throw in the towel straight away if you have problems, but invest in the relationship to make it grow. Long-term love does not fall from the sky!
Remember the requirements outlined above. When these are fulfilled and partners meet with tolerance, honesty, attention and love, the relationship automatically develops into a long-term project.
Conclusion
A healthy relationship is primarily characterized by the fact that couples give each other enough freedom for their individuality in their relationship. What does that mean to you?
Couples create the “we” feeling through a shared vision – the WHY for the relationship. It has been scientifically proven that healthy partnerships are characterized by a respectful one.
The greatest gift that you can give each other and the basis of a relaxed, loving relationship between two people: offer each other a space in which you can be as you are. It’s worth it – people in good relationships lead healthier lives overall.